


Only Human

by Hijirikawa



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Marvel Universe, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 14:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18100157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hijirikawa/pseuds/Hijirikawa
Summary: Bucky Barnes decides to go back on cryogenic freeze after the 'war' between his best friend and Tony. After you had figured out about his decisions, you begged and pleaded for him not to do it. During your attempts to persuade him, he experiences vivid flashbacks, nearly hurting you in the process. You know it's best for him, but you had something you desperately needed to tell him. Steve tries to comfort you, but it's no use. After the procedure, you don't know how long it'll be until you see your significant other again.





	Only Human

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for choosing to read this fic! This was a song prompt I used, and it was inspired off a Marvel MV I saw, called 'Only Human', which is right [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f57TR06bB9M)
> 
> There is also mention of miscarriage/stillborns, so if that offends you, I suggest you don't read it! It's an extremely good fic nonetheless. This has also been posted on my deviantART account somewhere, my username there is Nico-Shinomiya! 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy reading this!

  
“Maybe I'm foolish  
Maybe I'm blind  
Thinking I can see through this  
And see what's behind  
Got no way to prove it  
So maybe I'm blind  
But I'm only human after all  
I'm only human after all  
Don't put your blame on me  
Don't put your blame on me”

* * *

“I’ve done terrible things, (Name). You know that. And I’m afraid I’m going to do them again.” Bucky explained in a serious tone of voice, he sounded extremely strict and adamant about wanting to go back on cryogenic freeze. But maybe there was someone who could get all the stuff out of his head that HYDRA put in him? You shook your head, refusing to let him go back on cryogenic freeze. You didn’t want that for him. But if he wanted it, he obviously was going to get his way. Bucky bit his lip, looking at you with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry doll. But this is what’s best for me. For you. For us. For the world. Until I can get all this shit out of my head.” Bucky said. You sighed heavily, you didn’t want him to do this, but if it was what was best for him, and best for everyone else, then you suppose it had to be done. You glanced at Steve, who was standing in the corner, allowing you and Bucky to have time to yourself until he got put back on freeze. You wanted someone to help him, so he didn’t have to get put back on this stupid forsaken cryogenic freeze. You slammed your fist against the glass, tears welling up in your eyes.

“When… when will I see you again?” you bit your lip hard, trying your hardest not to break down crying. Bucky shrugged, obviously clueless. He didn’t know. He hadn’t a single clue. Steve didn’t seem to know either. But one of the Wakandan doctors knew, fortunately. The doctor approached you, placing his hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring smile. He licked his lips before he opened his mouth to speak,

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Barnes. We have someone who can help him. Her name is Shuri. She excels at this type of thing. She knows how to fix your husband.” and you sighed a sigh of relief. But the doctor held his index finger up, meaning he had something else to say, 

“However, Mr. Barnes would prefer being on cryogenic freeze for a while until we know Shuri's certain she can fix your husband. So it might take a while.” and you had lost all hope. You obscured your tears with your hands, covering your face from everyone. The doctor frowned at your reaction and obvious sad expression.

“I’ll leave you guys alone for a little while longer, until we can begin the cryogenic procedure.” and that was when you began to bawl your eyes out, right in front of your best friend and husband. Bucky was unsure how to comfort you, so all he did was rub your shoulder in a consoling manner. His expression spoke to you, he was so sorry for doing this to you, but it was what he had to do to protect everyone and himself. And most importantly, to protect you. The last thing Bucky wanted to do was hurt you.

“Bucky, please… Please reconsider. I don’t want you to do this to me.” you sobbed, enclosing him in a tight embrace. He grunted due to the suddenness, but he instantly melted into the hug. He always felt warm inside whenever he was around you, but for some reason, he felt cold today… He felt like a monster. He didn’t want to hurt you, never, not ever, but here he was, hurting you more than he’s ever hurt you before.

* * *

“Some people got the real problems  
Some people out of luck  
Some people think I can solve them  
Lord heavens above  
I'm only human after all  
I'm only human after all  
Don't put the blame on me  
Don't put the blame on me”

* * *

You continued to sob heavily in your husband’s arms, while Steve slowly approached you and put his hand on your shoulder. He tried to offer some sort of emotional support, but he didn’t feel like he was doing a very good job at it. As you cried in Bucky’s arms, Bucky had an epiphany of sorts, which almost made him change his mind. Almost. But he was stuck on going on cryogenic freeze, and he wanted to keep his decision the same. He didn’t want to risk himself getting hurt if Shuri wasn’t sure on what she was doing.

“Buck, please…” you pleaded, eyes stinging from all the crying. Bucky sighed sadly, shaking his head ‘no’. You felt defeated in every way, but you had to find a way to change your husband’s mind, at any and all costs. Memories flooded Bucky’s mind, especially what Tony said to him during their fight. He stared off into space, these memories pressing heavily onto his mind. You noticed he was starting to stare off into space, and you tapped his shoulder lightly. That didn’t snap him out of it. Snapping your fingers in front of his face would be rude, so you decided against that. You looked at Steve, completely out of ideas.

“(Name), I think it’s time for him to go on cryogenic freeze. He’s already starting to relapse by the looks of it.” and these words made your heart drop to your stomach. This feeling went away when Bucky opened his mouth to speak, and what he said made both you and Steve frown tremendously. You wouldn't believe what came out of his mouth just now. It made you so upset, because what Tony asked him was imprinted in his mind.

“I remember them all.” 

“Buck. I love you.” you cupped his cheek with your hand, gazing into his beautiful blue hues, tears welling up in your eyes once again. Bucky snapped out of his trance as tears began to sting in his blue orbs, he didn’t want to hurt you. Doing this, this cryogenic freeze thing, was going to hurt you. But the screams, the voices in his head, they wouldn’t stop. He wanted to be at peace for once, even if it was for a little while. Of course, the voices stopped whenever he was around you, but sometimes they’d still be there. Whispering. This time, the voices in his head were screaming at him. He couldn’t take it. Tears began to stream down his cheeks, before he screamed in agony. This made you pull him to your chest, hugging him tightly. 

“Buck… Shh. Honey, it’s okay… We all understand the difficulty to make this decision.” you tried to soothe him, your hand running up and down his back. But this didn’t work. As much as he loved you, he shoved you away. You gasped as you fell backwards, but luckily for you, Steve caught you. The doctors came rushing in as soon as they heard the scream, and began to look for the restraints. You got up out of Steve’s arms, walking back up to Bucky, embracing him once again. Like you didn’t learn your lesson the first time.

“I love you!” you raised your voice, embracing him tightly. However, like the last time, he shoved you away, even harder this time. You fell backwards, Steve catching you once again. You touched your cheek, feeling hot tears flood down your cheeks. You had loved him so much, you didn’t want him to experience any more pain. But it was near impossible for him not to, unless if he went on cryogenic freeze. This was where you said the most hurtful thing to yourself,

“It’s time. Please begin with the procedure.” you spoke, your lip quivering immensely, unable to control your emotions at this point. You just wanted your husband to be happy. And if cryogenic freeze made him feel at ease and made him happy, then that’s what needed to be done. And it needed to be done immediately.

* * *

“I'm only human  
I make mistakes  
I'm only human  
That's all it takes  
To put the blame on me  
Don't put the blame on me”

* * *

“Alright, Mrs. Barnes. Doctor, get the restraints on him.” and the doctor did as he was told. Once the restraints were on Bucky, they safely escorted him to the cryogenic chamber. They carefully laid him down in there, before pressing a button to enclose him in there. Several thoughts flooded through your mind, like how the temperature in that damn thing didn’t bother him. Well, he has been doing that sort of thing for years, so he was used to it, and obviously didn’t feel a thing while it was going on. 

You pressed your hand against the glass, and Bucky did the same. Tears were trailing down his cheeks, as he mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ to you. You shook your head, refusing his apology, if anyone had to be sorry, it was you. But before you could apologize, he shut his eyes, and the cryogenic freeze chamber was activated. That was it. The procedure was complete. You looked over at Steve, with tear-stained eyes. As you walked away from the chamber, Steve began to approach you. You ran into his arms, bursting into hysterics once again. You couldn’t help yourself. The love of your life, you wouldn’t see him for God knows how long. You were a sobbing mess. A complete wailing mess in your best friend’s arms. 

“Shh, (Name). It’ll be okay. I promise. You’ll see him soon.” Steve whispered, running his palm up and down your back, shivers running up and down your spine. The screams from Bucky echoed in your head. You felt so guilty for forcing him to make an impulse decision. You loved him so much, you just didn’t want to see him leave you. Which made you selfish. Extremely selfish. You shook your head, refusing Steve’s consoling words.

“I don’t deserve comfort. I was selfish and forced my own goddamn husband to make a decision he was NOT ready to make.” you spoke coldly, wiping your tears, and wriggling out of your best friend’s grasp. You began to walk away, but before youh exited the room, you gave the chamber one last look, then looked at Steve with sad eyes. 

“I’ll be in the Helicarrier when you’re ready.” and with that, you had said goodbye to Bucky for at least one year. You didn’t even visit him during this time frame. Which made you feel horrendous. You knew if you did that, you’d be tempted to break him out of the glass and wake him up, or some stupid move like that. The day you finally saw him again, you were an anxious mess.

* * *

“I'm no prophet or Messiah  
Should go looking somewhere higher  
I'm only human after all  
I'm only human after all  
Don't put the blame on me  
Don't put the blame on me”

* * *

“Buck.” you smiled once you saw him, and he did the exact same. He seemed so healthy and… happy. It looked like he enjoyed his time in Wakanda. It seemed like he didn’t want to leave. He felt so safe and secure here. So very far away from harm, here. He was extremely happy here.

“(Name).” he beamed from ear to ear, pulling you into a warm embrace. You instantly melted into his hold, you had yearned for his touch for so long. It definitely felt like it was more than just one year since you had last saw him. 

“I had the weirdest dream while I was on cryogenic freeze.” Bucky said, and you quirked a brow. He told you all about it while you were visiting him, and it definitely was one of the weirdest dreams you had ever heard in your entire life. Bucky held you close as he finished up the ending of the dream, and you buried your head into his chest, inhaling his scent. He smelled so fresh… You loved this aroma that permeated off of him. 

“I also wanted to say something… I didn’t get the chance to say it before you went back on cryogenic freeze.” you stated, and Bucky raised a brow in curiosity. He was quite intrigued by your statement, and he wanted to know what you had to tell him before he went on cryogenic freeze.

“I forgot to tell you… that I was pregnant, before you went on cryogenic freeze. I just… never got the chance. I also wanted to apologize for causing that meltdown.” you said, looking down at your shoes. Bucky’s jaw dropped, obviously shocked by this news. Pregnant? He had always wanted to have a child, but if he would have known before he went on cryogenic freeze, that’s all he would have worried about. He definitely was not ready for one before cryogenic freeze. But since Shuri had fixed him, he was definitely ready to take on that responsibility. 

“W-what’s the sex of the baby?” Bucky asked, tears welling up in his eyes, and you responded happily, poking your husband’s cheek,

“A female. Just like you always wanted. Her name is (female name). She’s been wanting to meet you for so long… She doesn’t think she has a father.” and before Bucky could open his mouth to speak, Steve walked in, pushing a baby stroller, with Bucky’s daughter safely secured inside. Bucky began to weep, the fact he had a daughter really lifted his spirits. He was so happy. Steve lifted the infant up into his arms, carrying her over to Bucky.

“Would you like to hold her?” Steve smiled from ear to ear, obviously happy for you and his best friend. Bucky nodded after hesitating. He hadn’t held a child since he was young. This was the first time since then. The feeling filled him up with euphoria and joy. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he rocked the baby back and forth,

“Hi babygirl. I’m Bucky, your daddy.” the baby cooed and squealed with delight, her oceanic blue pools of color shimmering in the light. Bucky hugged the bundle of joy close to his chest, looking at you. He couldn’t believe that you didn’t tell him. You were going to break the news to him the day of his cryogenic procedure, but you felt like that would change his decision, so you, at the last minute, decided against it.

“She likes you.” you giggled. 

“I can tell.” Bucky spoke softly, being careful not to startle the small child. 

After you, Bucky, Steve, and your child returned from Wakanda, you decided to stop by your old place to show Bucky you didn’t live there anymore. You had moved since Bucky had been on cryogenic freeze, you needed a new living area since you discovered you were pregnant and would be giving birth soon. The house was a beautiful ranch-style house, three bedrooms, and two bathrooms. When Bucky walked into the house, he beamed brightly. He was so elated to see the new house. It was simple but beautiful at the same time.

“(Name)... I love this house.” he whispered. 

“I know you would like it. Wait until you see (male name)’s room.” and Bucky quirked a brow. (Same male name)? What? He was obviously confused, and didn’t exactly know what was going on. Until it hit him. She had twins! 

“You had twins, didn’t you, doll?” and you nodded, tears in your eyes, as he ran up to hug you. He had always wanted twins. One boy and one girl. Even though, they would look nothing like each other when born. It had to do with biology and stuff, it was pretty complicated, but he knew how it worked. 

“He’s beautiful… but…”

“But what?”

“He… he was a stillborn. (Baby girl’s name) was the only one who survived.” and Bucky’s whole entire mood had been ruined. Why didn’t you tell him this beforehand? He would have liked to know before they left Wakanda, so he could mourn then, and not figure out about it right this moment. 

“(Name)...” Bucky sighed, tears forming in his eyes as well. You held each other close, mourning the loss of your stillborn son, (male name).

* * *

“I'm only human  
I do what I can  
I'm just a man  
I do what I can  
Don't put the blame on me  
Don't put your blame on me”

* * *

After a year or so, you had given birth to another child, ironically male, who looked just like your stillborn. The only thing that was different from him was his name, because you didn’t want him to grow up and find out he was nothing but a duplicate and reminder of his older brother… You, Bucky, and your two children lived happily ever after in your beautiful house, with Steve and his wife as their godparents. Bucky had never been happier. He had kids, two dogs, and one hell of a wife.


End file.
